Old-Fashioned

I have this one homegirl who sux at dating. She never returns guy's phone calls in a timely manner, forgets to text them back, and is not so good with flirting. In short, she doesn't give guys that subtle push of encouragement that they need to start (and keep) the ball rolling.

So I'm something like her coach now. Having spent the past 3.5 years dating in new york city, I feel somewhat like a pro.

The problem is, she claims that she's "old-fashioned" when it comes to dating. She likes guys to pursue her--ask her out, pick the place, arrange things, etc., without her having to do anything.

Two things wrong with that (aside from it being a bit lazy). Most guys, especially those that live in NY, are decidedly NOT old-fashioned. Because they're either from here (which is an entire different conversation in itself) or they moved here to escape whatever old-fashioned, boringness that existed in their hometowns. It's a new day. Life isn't old-fashioned anymore. We facebook and twitter now. Get over it.

Secondly, you can not expect things to be old-fashioned when it comes to dating if you don't hold up your end of the old-fashioned role. She rarely cooks, is very vocal about her hatred for cleaning, refuses to be the one carrying the burden of doing laundry. Overall, she hates the fact that she, as a women, is expected to do the majority of these things. Thus, rendering her not so old-fashioned at all.

My point to her was that you can't expect an old-fashioned courtship to translate into a new post-feminism relationship where the two people form an equal partnership and split everything equally. Dating sets up a precedent of gender roles that will undoubtedly transition into the relationship.

If you want to be treated as an equal, then don't be afraid to call and ask him out on the first date, pick the restaurant yourself even. If old-fashioned is what you want, then get your ass in the kitchen!